Before my wife’s frontal lobe aneurysm and subsequent surgeries (you can see previous blogs for details) I was one who followed rules and had my day planned, my week, next week…. But life has a way of changing one’s thinking.
I am not easily upset, but much of my life has been upended in recent months, and I find myself frustrated at times because I can’t change many of the circumstances I face. As an example, we have had trouble with the App for the ministry I lead. In fact, it disappeared from the App Store. Because I am not on the developer account the lady on the other end of the phone wouldn’t even answer general questions. I finally said, “You are probably one, who seeing someone drowning in a pool, would not dive in to help because the sign says, “Do Not Enter the Pool Unless a Lifeguard is on Duty!”
The conversation ended well, but not before she did everything possible to help. I ended the call apologizing for my frustration. I could give excuses. I wasn’t prepared for my wife to suffer as she has and will for the rest of her of life. I wasn’t prepared for the never-ending barrage of paperwork and mistaken billing, etc. etc. etc. Navigating through the Amazon jungle would probably be easier than navigating bills, health and disability insurance, home care, and all that comes with knowing she will never really recover. She will never again be the person I once knew.
As if all of the above were not enough, I lead a ministry to a people group that most folks don't care to know about, don't want to hear about, and certainly don't want to support! On the scale of worthy causes people will support, ministering to seniors is a footnote. Sorry, I am just being honest.
The big question is, “What am I learning through all of this?” I have a quote from William Wilberforce that hangs on my office wall. The quote says,
It is virtually impossible to get to the place where you recognize your need for the Spirit and depend on His working, when you have created a safe religiosity that is perfectly manageable by means of your own abilities.
Wilberforce broke the rules and upended the plans of many in his day. He died three days after hearing that the cause he fought for long and hard (abolishing slavery in the British Empire) was going to pass. Hopefully, when my time to die comes, I will be at peace for I will remember that God destroyed my safe religiosity in the latter third of 2016 and first half of 2017. Thank you for letting me lay on your couch. You are a good listener. A few days ago we celebrated Easter, the day Christ rose from the tomb. He broke the plans and rules of many in his day. Because he did hope still abounds!
Stan Means
Elder Source Senior Ministries
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